Friday, January 29, 2016

If you give a kid a kitten...

If you give a kid a kitten, she’ll want to take it on a walk
If you take the kitten on a walk, she’ll want to make a run for it.
If she makes a run for it, she’ll return with kittens in her tummy.
If you give the other kid a kitten, her sister will want one too.
Her sister will take the kitten on a walk, and he’ll want to make a run for it.
When he makes a run for it, the sister will cry for weeks…

…and weeks
…and weeks.

If the parent posts some pictures, the kitten will be found.
When sister holds her kitten, she’ll announce that her kitten’s stripes have changed. A lot.
If sister buys a new collar at Petco, she’ll run into another kitten being adopted.

When sister recognizes the kitten as her long lost love, the parent will blush. And lie.

True story.

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Purgatory or Pregnancy?

I’m thirty-six months pregnant with my first novel—the insomnia and swollen fingers has got to go. Not to mention the perpetual heartburn from cheesy dialogue or the nausea of plot holes. This pregnancy has jumped the shark—I need an intervention!

I should be the confident mother, waving her paper child off to school. I’m up to double digits on requests from agents and editors but I still have that nagging feeling that it’s not quite ready. I have a tight-knit mothers group critique group who offer babysitting feedback on my impending bundle of joy.

And yet…I find myself staring at the computer and sulking over a craptastic hook that refuses to shine.

This morning, I left in a huff, making up some urgent errand. When I returned, I found this on my desk.   

At least, I have the world's greatest birthing coach.